That morning I was babysitting Matt's baby cousin and after I put her down for her nap, I became nauseous and threw up. I thought that maybe the yogurt I ate for breakfast was expired. Nope. It didn't expire for another week. That's when I decided to look at my period tracker and sure enough, I was over a week late. I immediately texted Matt telling him what happened and that I needed to take a test that night.
I was trying to think of a time when this could have happened. We were careful and safe and I didn't feel nauseous the rest of the day and didn't throw up again so I thought maybe I was just getting sick or something. I was going to just say forget about the test but something kept telling me to take it. Matt finally got home from work around 8 and that's when I took the first test. It was one of those one line means not pregnant and two lines means you are pregnant type tests. After two minutes, I looked at the stick and there was one bright line and one super-dull-barely-even-noticable light pink line. I was thinking "Phew! Good I'm not pregnant. That would have been horrible timing." So I take the test to Matt who's waiting in his bedroom and show him the stick. He is just starting at it. He said "So you're pregnant." I laughed and said "Nooooo, there's only one line." Matt reaches for the box the test came in and read the following line, "No matter how faint the second line, it means you may be pregnant." I started laughing again. Apparently I laugh when I'm super nervous or don't have words to say. I made him take me to the store to get one of those tests that reads out PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT. (Mind you, these tests are $20 a pop! They should change that.)
I was still convinced that the line was barely there and that meant that I was not pregnant. I was so sure after those two minutes were up that the second test was going to be negative.
IT WASN'T. Clear as day- there is was. "PREGNANT". In all caps.
My knees buckled, I fell, and immediately started bawling. My mind was racing. What about school, moving to Sacramento for school, our house that still has renters in it, our families, my dad's face when we tell him, Matt's mom's reaction, getting a job, money- babies are soooo much money!
I didn't know what else to do but start praying. I prayed that the baby was healthy. I prayed that our families wouldn't be mad at us. I prayed that my dad and Matt's mom would be understanding. I prayed that everything would work out and for the strength to get through all of it. I prayed that I would eventually be happy that I was pregnant because I was sad. I never, ever thought that I would be sad about a baby. I have always wanted to be a mom and always told myself how amazing it will be. I guess that's life. You never really know until you go through it. I feel guilty now for how sad I was. I still pray that he couldn't feel my disappointment. It wasn't about the baby, it was just about the timing. I was only 2 months away from graduating with my degree, applying to the Dental Hygiene program, and Matt and I moving away to Sacramento to start our life together.
I walked downstairs to where Matt was waiting and showed him the test. I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything. I was crying and literally could not stop. That was probably only the second time in our relationship that Matt and seen me cry. And it was over our baby. Which makes me feel bad but I'm only human. I know this is not the reaction he was expecting out of me. If I knew then what I know now, I would have been so happy and elated that the tests were positive.
I couldn't sleep that night and, of course, I had school the next day. After the few hours of sleep I managed to get, I woke up with horrible, and I mean horrible, morning sickness. (Can I just say whoever named it "morning" sickness was either a dude or never pregnant because it definitely lasts all day long!) My mom kept asking me if I was okay and I wanted to tell her so badly but Matt and I agreed that we would tell both of our parents together. I started thinking of cute ways we could tell our parents that they're going to be grandparents so that it might take the edge off.
The next day, I went to Benicia with my best friend, Veronica, and her cute baby Sophia. We went to the book store and bought Where the Wild Things Are and Do You Know How Much I Love You. I wrote in each "Grandma and Grandpa- Please read this to me in May 2015. Love, Baby Oda."
(This date was completely wrong. I was winging it lol.)
I was SO scared. Matt wasn't scared to tell his parents. He was confident that they would be happy. We were both just scared of my dad's reaction. We handed Matt's mom the book first. She read it and then immediately handed it to his dad. I was already crying. His dad's reaction was the best thing ever. He jumped up and hugged us and said "I'm on cloud 9. Wow. I am going to be a grandpa." His mom hugged us and asked me if I was okay and if my tears were happy or sad. "Honestly, both." is all I could say. My In-Laws are the best.
Then it was my parents turn. Dun Dun Dun!!
My mom was eating at the table and my dad was taking out the garbage. I decided to tell them at different times because my dad was taking too long and my anxiety was killing me. I walked up beside her and opened up the book to the inscription. She read it and looked up at me with a look I couldn't even describe. It was like a mixture of pure happiness and shock mixed with an I'm-gonna-slap-you-then-hug-you look? lol Something along those lines! She said "Are you kidding me? I knew it!" and jumped up to hug me and get a towel to soak up all her tears. We waited for my dad to come back in and for my mom to stop crying so she wouldn't give it away! He finally came back in and i handed him the open book. He read what I wrote and tilted his head. He didn't understand lol. (I just have to say that I wish I would have recorded his reaction. He is seriously one of the smartest guys I know and he could not figure this out!) He read it about 3 more times and finally looked up and said "Aww you're going to be a mommy?" I just started crying and he came over and hugged me. Then he went over and hugged Matt. I immediately started talking about still going back to school and that we're going to start looking for places to live and I'm going to find a job and all this stuff and my dad just reassured me that everything was going to be perfectly fine and it would all work out. The person we were most afraid to tell and he was the most understanding.
Matt and I are truly blessed with an amazing support system. All of our friends and families are happy for us and excited for this baby boy to arrive. They already spoil him! We could never thank them enough.
You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail
Proverbs 19:21
Proverbs 19:21
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